I just heard from an old friend today--one of my closest and most cherished friends, who's been going through a rough patch for the past few years: a not-totally-healthy relationship, drugs, and a variety of identity and self-esteem issues that I can only guess at. We live in the same city, but for a full year he wouldn't return my phone calls and I never saw him; I talked to his boyfriend once or twice, and when I walked past his building I'd check to make sure that his name was still on the buzzer and crane my neck to see if I could see signs of his desk or curtains through his fifth-floor window; anything to reassure myself that he was still alive.

We got back in touch, finally, in February, and he seemed happy when he saw me--but I got the impression that he was working himself up for it and maybe just putting on a good face while we were together; he'd answer my calls but wouldn't call me himself, and he didn't seem to want to talk about whatever was going on. I was hopeful that he was pulling himself together--but what can you do, really, but make someone aware that you love them and are there for them?

A few months had gone by and I'd been meaning to call him ever since I got back from NW City, but what with the diss and starting teaching I hadn't gotten around to it and I didn't really expect that the result would be any different. But this afternoon he called me--and then called me again in the evening--and he sounded great. Happy, excitable, and interested in everything, wanting to talk about everything. He's apparently out of his relationship, done with the tina, and is now trying, as he put it, "to re-socialize."

And--what can I say? I'm hopeful. I want my friend back.