Once again, too tired to blog (and I have to get up at 5-fucking-a.m. tomorrow for a ridiculous 9-hour HR orientation at Big Urban), so here's my version of the 7-things meme as seen pretty much everywhere lately--Crazy's, Clare's, Stewgad's, et al.

Seven things I plan to do before I die:
1. Get a tenure-track job in which I'm content
2. Publish a couple of well-received books
3. Travel through India and Egypt
4. Live in Europe for at least three consecutive months
5. Work my Latin back up
6. Read all of Pepys' diary
7. Live in the same city as George Washington Boyfriend

Seven things I can do:
1. Write backwards (i.e., so the text can be read in a mirror) rapidly and flawlessly
2. Regale you with the complete lyrics to "Come on, Eileen"
3. Make an excellent, very dry Martini (and about eight other mixed drinks)
4. Arrange an extremely attractive living space
5. Install and uninstall a 75-lb window airconditioner seasonally
6. Recite from memory various canonical poems (none, let it be said, more than about 24 lines long)
7. Create ingenious fixes for household problems with any/all of the following: Krazy Glue, binder clips, duct tape, Q-tips, tumbtacks

Seven things I can’t do:
1. Snap the fingers on my right hand (I can snap those on my left, just not my right)
2. Refrain from being a bitch when my blood sugar is low
3. Pay off my credit card and educational debt
4. Patronize establishments with names like "Pluck-U" or "Fuddruckers." I just . . . can't.
5. Wean myself off coffee or gin for the long term
6. Wear flip-flops (well, I guess I can wear flip-flops--but I find them both physically and aesthetically uncomfortable)
7. Survive a day without whining

Seven things that attract me to people of the opposite sex:
1. (Resonant) voice
2. (Great) height
3. (Good) teeth
4. Ease with self and others
5. Hamminess, esp. a propensity to do voices or impressions
6. Strong opinions
7. Sensitivity toward others' feelings and opinions

Seven things I say the most:
1. Jesus fucking Christ
2. Motherfucker
3. Um
4. Dude
5. Okay
6. Right
7. No, what I'm saying is. . .

Seven celebrity crushes:
(Man, I'm bad at this one. No one really comes to mind except old people, or dead people, or people who aren't really celebrities.)
1. Bing Crosby
2. Katherine Hepburn
3. Lisa Kudrow
4. Stockard Channing
5. Billie Holliday
6. Tom Stoppard
7. Uh, Owen Wilson, I guess?